2. The
Effects of the Fall on Marriage
The
entrance of sin adversely affected marriage. When Adam and Eve
sinned, they lost the oneness which they had known with God and
with one another (Gen 3:6-24). Their relationship became marked
with guilt, shame, blame, and pain. As a part of the curse of
sin, rulership was given to the husband (Gen 3:16; see also PP
58, 59). Wherever sin reigns, its sad effects on marriage include
alienation, desertion, unfaithfulness, neglect, abuse, violence,
separation, divorce, domination of one partner by the other, and
sexual perversion. Non-monogamous marriages are also an expression
of the effects of sin on the institution of marriage. Such marriages,
although practiced in Old Testament times, were not in harmony
with the divine design. God's plan for marriage requires His people
to transcend the mores of popular culture which are in conflict
with the biblical view.
3. Restoration
and Healing
a.
Divine Ideal to be Restored in Christ. In redeeming the world
from sin and its consequences, God also seeks to restore marriage
to its original ideal. This is envisioned for the lives of those
who have been born again into the kingdom of Christ, those whose
hearts are being sanctified by the Holy Spirit and who have as
their primary purpose in life the exaltation of the Lord Jesus
Christ (see also 1 Peter 3:7; MB 64).
b. Oneness and Equality Restored in Christ. The gospel emphasizes
the love and submission of husband and wife to one another (1
Cor 7:3, 4; Eph 5:21). The model for the husband's leadership
is the self-sacrificial love and service that Christ gives to
the church (Eph 5:24, 25). Peter enjoins husbands to respect their
wives and treat them with consideration (1 Peter 3:7), while Paul
instructs wives to respect their husbands (Eph 5:23). Commenting
on Eph 5:22-28, Ellen G White says, "Neither husband nor
wife is to make a plea for rulership. . . . The husband is to
cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife
is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate a spirit
of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other"
(7T 47). In Christ, oneness, equality, and mutuality in marriage
are to be restored.
c.
Grace Available for All. God seeks to restore to wholeness and
reconcile to Himself all who have failed to attain the divine
standard (2 Cor 5:19). This includes those who have experienced
broken marriage relationships.
d The
Role of the Church. Moses in the Old Testament and Paul in the
New Testament dealt with the problems caused by broken marriages
(Deut 24:1-5, 1 Cor 7:10-16). Both, while recognizing the ideal,
attempted to work constructively and redemptively with those who
had fallen short of the divine standard. Similarly, the church
today is called to uphold God's ideal for marriage and, at the
same time, to be a reconciling, forgiving, healing community,
showing understanding and compassion when brokenness occurs.
Biblical
Principles Regarding Divorce and Remarriage
The Seventh-day
Adventist Church's treatment of divorce and remarriage must be
divinely guided. In addition to directives and specific examples,
the Bible provides broad principles that enable the Church to
be faithful to the divine intent and gracious in caring for its
members who experience divorce.
1. Divorce
is contrary to God's original purpose in creating marriage (Matt
19:3-8; Mark 10:2-9), but the Bible is not silent about it. Because
divorce occurred as part of the fallen human experience, biblical
legislation was given to limit the damage it caused (Deut 24:1-4).
The Bible consistently seeks to elevate marriage and to discourage
divorce by describing the joys of married love and faithfulness
(Prov 5:18-20; Song of Sol 2:16; 4:9-5:1), by referring to the
marriage-like relationship of God with His people (Isa 54:5; Jer
3:1), by focusing on the possibilities of forgiveness and marital
renewal (Jer 3:1; Hos 3:1-3; 11:8, 9), and by indicating God's
hatred of divorce and the misery it causes (Mal 2:15, 16; Hos
2; 3). Jesus restored the creation view of marriage as a lifelong
covenant between a man and a woman (Matt 19:4-6; Mark 10:6-9).
Much biblical instruction affirms marriage and seeks to correct
problems which tend to weaken or destroy the marriage covenant
(Eph 5:21-33; Heb 13:4; 1 Peter 3:7).
2. The covenant
of marriage rests on principles of love, loyalty, exclusiveness,
trust, and support upheld by both partners in obedience to God
(Gen 2:24; Matt 19:6; 1 Corinthians 13; Eph 5:21-29; 1 Thess 4:1-7).
When these principles are violated, the essence of the marriage
covenant is endangered. Scripture acknowledges that tragic circumstances
can destroy the marriage covenant. Jesus taught that the marriage
covenant may be irreparably broken through sexual immorality (Matt
5:32; 19:9), which includes a range of improper sexual behaviors.
Paul indicated that death brings the marriage covenant to an end
(Rom 7:2, 3), as does desertion by an unbelieving partner no longer
willing to be married (1 Cor 7:15). The above do not exhaust the
destructive factors that may lead to brokenness and divorce.
3. God's
Word condemns violence in personal relationships (Gen 6:11, 13;
Ps 11:5; Isa 58:4, 5; Rom 13:10; Gal 5:19-21). It is the spirit
of Christ to love and accept, to seek to affirm and build others
up, rather than to abuse or demean them (Rom 12:10; 14:19; Eph
4:26; 5:28, 29; Col 3:8-14; 1 Thess 5:11). There is no room among
Christ's followers for tyrannical control and the abuse of power
or authority (Matt 20:25-28; Eph 6:4). Violence in the setting
of marriage and family is especially abhorrent, destroying the
marriage covenant (Mal 2:14-16; see also AH 343).
4. When a
couple's marriage is in danger of breaking down, every effort
should be made by the partners and those in the church or family
who minister to them to bring about their reconciliation in harmony
with divine principles for restoring wounded relationships (Hos
3:1-3; 1 Cor 7:10, 11; 13:4-7; Gal 6:1).
5. For the
brokenness of divorce, divine grace is the only remedy. When marriage
fails, despite efforts toward reconciliation, former partners
should be encouraged to examine their experience and to embrace
the mercy and compassion of God. God is willing to comfort those
who have been wounded. God also accepts the repentance of individuals
who commit the most destructive sins, even those that carry with
them irremediable consequences (2 Samuel 11, 12; Ps 34:18; 86:5;
Joel 2:12, 13; John 8:2-11; 1 John 1:9).
6. Church
members are called to forgive and accept those who have failed
as God has forgiven them (Isa 54:5-8; Matt 6:14, 15; Eph 4:32).
The Bible urges patience, compassion, and forgiveness in the Christian
care of those who have erred (Matt 18:10-20; Gal 6:1, 2).
7. Implicit
in God's forgiving grace and healing is the possibility of a new
beginning (Ps 34:22; Jer 3:22; 31:17; Mark 5:1-20; John 8:11;
2 Cor 5:17; 1 John 1:9; see also 2SM 339, 340).
8. Marriage
is an important part of the social fabric of the community of
believers and involves responsibilities of the couple to the church
and of the church to the couple. In their marriage, the couple
bears witness to their Adventist faith and accepts the moral authority
of the church (1 Corinthians 12; Ephesians 4). The church, as
the body of Christ in which His Spirit dwells, is called upon
to affirm, bless, nurture, preserve, and uphold marriage. The
church has the responsibility to provide guidance and the authority
to apply the principles of God's Word in difficult and complex
cases of divorce and remarriage (Matt 16:19; 18:18; John 20:22,
23; 1 Cor 5:3-5; 6:1-6). Further, through the exercise of redemptive
discipline and pastoral care and nurture, the church has the obligation
to help erring members return to discipleship (Matt 18:15-20;
Gal 6:1; Heb 12:7-12).
Role
of the Church in Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
Because marriage
is part of the fabric of the community of believers, the Seventh-day
Adventist Church upholds, affirms, and supports this primary human
relationship. It recognizes the challenges that characterize marriage
in our age and is committed to biblical principles in its ministry
to families. The local church is primarily responsible for administering
the policies and standards of the Seventh-day Adventist Church
with reference to marriage, divorce and remarriage. When the church
ministers to marriages and families, it should manifest its belief
in biblical principles in the following practical ways.
1. Facilitating
Marital Growth
The church provides a variety of ministries to help couples prepare
for and experience marriage. The Sabbath School, worship services,
various church activities at every age level, and the Seventh-day
Adventist school system afford opportunities for education regarding
marriage and family living.
a.
Premarital Guidance. All couples who seek the services of a Seventh-day
Adventist minister to conduct their wedding are provided with
premarital guidance. Effective premarital guidance is a process
involving at least 12 hours of interaction between the pastor/
counselor and the couple. Together they explore a broad range
of relational issues in which the pastor/counselor assumes the
role of coach. If, during this process, issues arise that create
concern, the couple may be encouraged to postpone their wedding
or reconsider their decision to marry. If the pastor is uncomfortable
with their decision to marry, the pastor may choose not to officiate
at the wedding.
b.
Marriage Education and Enrichment. The church helps couples grow
together, enjoy marriage and achieve God's design for marriage.
Marriage education and enrichment facilitate growth by providing
opportunities for couples to develop intimacy and the
skills to resolve differences and handle crises.
c.
Counseling Referral. The church cares for couples in need by encouraging
them to use support resources. The church cultivates appropriate
spiritual gifts that provide support and healing. It also identifies
professional resources in the community and makes referrals as
needed.
d. Enrichment for Pastoral Couples. The church encourages pastors
to devote time to their families, creates opportunities for enrichment
of pastoral marriages, provides for anonymous counseling as needed,
and offers in-service programs to enable them to develop skills
for ministry to families.
2. Encouraging
Marital Reconciliation
The
church encourages individuals in marital crisis to resolve differences
and build healthy marriages. It provides appropriate spiritual
nurture and support. When violence and abuse are involved, special
care is taken to protect the vulnerable, stop the abuse, and hold
the abuser accountable for the abuse. In some cases of abuse and
violence, reconciliation may not be possible.
3. Ministering
After Marital Breakdown
Despite
their own efforts and the pro-active ministry of the Church, some
couples fail to sustain their marital relationship. Such breakdown
calls for God's grace to be demonstrated by the church. It fosters
a healing ministry which provides divorce recovery for adults
and children, referrals for abusers and for victims of abuse and
violence, and assistance with everyday needs.
4. Ministering to Remarried Couples
The
church provides specialized premarital guidance for individuals
considering remarriage. It also offers marriage enrichment experiences
adapted to the unique issues confronting remarried couples and
parent education designed for families with children joined together
through remarriage.
5. Maintaining
Church Integrity and Discipline
In
carrying out its responsibility to reflect to the world the justice
and grace of God, the church cares for the well-being of its members
and thereby protects its reputation. The behavior of each member
affects the entire community. Likewise, the demeanor of the church
affects each member. As a worshiping and witnessing body, the
church has a responsibility to teach and apply the principles
of the Word of God. Thus, it builds up and supports; it comforts,
teaches, and corrects. With respect to the individual, the church
understands the ultimate purpose of discipline to be the restoration
of the person to faithful discipleship and fellowship within the
church. Discipline is also an opportunity for the church to reaffirm
and demonstrate its commitment to biblical standards.
a.
When Divorce Occurs. In order to protect its members when divorce
occurs, the church guards the reputation and privacy of the spouses
and all those impacted directly by the divorce. It reaches out
to those going through the divorce process, encouraging them to
remain within the fellowship of the community of faith. The church
also makes the security and welfare of children a priority. It
encourages the parents to put their children's needs above their
own interests and desires. It holds parents accountable for their
responsibilities to their children, including financial obligations.
Divorced individuals are encouraged to take sufficient time, usually
a period of years, to address the reasons for the failure of their
marriage, to accept responsibility for their part in the breakdown
of the marriage, to work through the process of healing and forgiveness,
and to experience a sense of closure.
In order to protect the community of faith when divorce occurs,
the church endeavors to minimize divisive and disruptive behavior
often associated with divorce. In the interest of pastoral care,
the church may decide that those in divorce recovery will not
function in leadership roles. If, in the judgment of the church,
individuals demonstrate no repentance, make little or no effort
to support their families, bring the church into disrepute, or
otherwise refuse to accept the above guidelines, the congregation
may regretfully discipline them. Such discipline may include a
period of removal from church office, censure, or disfellowshipping.
b. Considerations Regarding Remarriage. Before individuals become
involved in another serious relationship, they should be encouraged
to complete the above recovery process. If remarriage is contemplated,
the local church offers counsel. It supports their decision when
it is in harmony with biblical principles. Those whose remarriage
is out of harmony with biblical principles are subject to church
discipline.
Recommendations
The following
recommendations arise out of the biblical principles section of
the report of the General Conference Divorce and Remarriage Study
Commission. (They represent a practical response to very real
situations in the lives of many members and challenges facing
congregations.)
Bringing
together the related Scriptural passages and principles undergirding
a Christian response to divorce and remarriage is not a simple
task. More study is needed. However, the urgency of the circumstances
call for the Church's best response at this time. Based on the
study by the Divorce and Remarriage Study Commission of the Bible
and the writings of Ellen G White, it was
RECOMMENDED,
1. To retitle the Church Manual chapter "Divorce and
Remarriage" to read "Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage,"
and to include the biblical principles regarding marriage.
2. To include in the Church Manual guidelines for local
church ministry which support couples prior to marriage, in marriage,
when marital breakdown occurs, and in remarriage.
3. To reflect in the Church Manual reference to divorce
and remarriage, that the dual purpose of church discipline is
to redeem and correct. Appropriate discipline is not punitive.
4. To give emphasis in the Church Manual to the use of
redemptive language in matters relating to divorce and remarriage.
Because in many cases it is not possible to readily or accurately
determine what or whose behavior is responsible for the marital
breakdown, redemptive language is more appropriate than language
which judges, condemns, or labels individuals as "guilty
and innocent parties." These terms often create obstacles
that prevent individuals from resolving the differences between
themselves and with the community of faith. Redemptive language
does not preclude holding individuals and couples to accountability
and disciplining those whose behavior clearly violates the marriage
covenant and destroys the marital relationship.
5. To precisely rewrite the second sentence of the Church Manual,
section 8, page 183 to avoid any inference of the concept of perpetual
adultery for which the Commission found no biblical or Ellen G
White support.
6. To use the term "church discipline" as the more inclusive
term in all references in Chapter 15 of the Church Manual
which prescribe "disfellowshipping." The term "church
discipline" allows for the possibility of disfellowshipping,
censure, and/or a period of removal from office.
7. To replace the phrase "the guilty party" (Church
Manual, "Our Position," page 182, number 2., end
of second paragraph) with "all involved," i.e., "The
church is urged to relate lovingly and redemptively toward all
involved."
8. To add a paragraph as a second paragraph for Church Manual,
"Our Position," page 182, number 3., to the effect that
pastors and church leaders handling sensitive information should
exercise discretion in its disclosure.
9.
To add the following sentence as a second sentence for Church
Manual, "Our Position," page 183, number 8.: "Hence,
the options available to the repentant may be severely limited.
His/Her plea for readmittance to regular church membership shall
be considered after appropriate counsel involving the local pastor,
the church board, and, if necessary, such committees as may have
been set up by the local conference for these purposes."
10. To replace the Church Manual, "Our Position,"
pages 182, 183, number 4. with the following paragraph: "The
spouse whose acknowledged act of unfaithfulness to the marriage
vow led to the breakdown of the marriage shall be subject to church
discipline. The local church shall determine the nature of the
discipline and shall explain to the individual the reason and
purpose of the discipline. At the discretion of the local church,
that discipline may be for a stated period of time. During the
time when the individual is under discipline the church, as an
instrument of God's mission, shall make every effort to maintain
caring and spiritually nurturing contact with the individual."
11. To include sexual abuse in the Church's understanding of porneia
(Church Manual, page 182, number 2. on "fornication"
and "sexual irregularities"). (See "Biblical Principles
Regarding Divorce and Remarriage," number 2.)
12. To consider physical violence within marriage as unfaithfulness
to the marriage vow. (See "Biblical Principles Regarding
Divorce and Remarriage," number 3.)
13. To recognize abandonment of a marriage partner as unfaithfulness
to the marriage vow. (See "Biblical Principles Regarding
Divorce and Remarriage," number 2.)
